TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize