he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize