google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
