dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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