I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
