I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
