Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize