Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we made out on top of his cat.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize