You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
