so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
