VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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