if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize