grandma shit on top of the toilet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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