I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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