she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
