so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
