Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You ruined the universe
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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