i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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