if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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