my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
