You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
