I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
