That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
