I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
don't judge my taste in strippers
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
