Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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