I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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