In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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