it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
