By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
