I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
