Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize