Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
