he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
