took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
