i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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