I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
