You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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