Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
