If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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