I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
