I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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