I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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