It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
