I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
