there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
