she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Shame - the story of my life.
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