dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
