I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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