So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
