i love accidental penises.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
