Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
