when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
