So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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