So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize