I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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