You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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