woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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