margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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