if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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