that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
