he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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