I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
