Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
