i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
