I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
