i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Four minutes until I can fart!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize