Do you still have your period?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
