You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
