watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
