hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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