Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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