i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
