Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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