and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my shit smells like andre
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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