coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
