So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
