I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This is my gift to your gina
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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