I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
