oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
