i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
