I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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