Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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