remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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